{"id":1815,"date":"2023-06-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-06-14T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/?p=1815"},"modified":"2023-08-03T10:59:34","modified_gmt":"2023-08-03T14:59:34","slug":"what-to-do-after-a-miscarriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/2023\/06\/14\/what-to-do-after-a-miscarriage\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Do After a Miscarriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

This is the post that I never imagined having to write when I found out I was pregnant.  I lost my baby at 10 weeks and it is a part of my journey that is important to share.  I believe in empowering women and recognizing that if you have experienced a miscarriage, you are not alone.  So, the question is what to do after a miscarriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please Note:<\/strong>  None of this is to be taken as medical advice but instead just a reflection of my own personal experience.  Please talk to your doctor if you believe you are experiencing a miscarriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Go Easy on Yourself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This is the biggest one and the thing that your doctor will emphasize to you the most: You did not do this.\u00a0 You did not do anything wrong.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most miscarriages in the first trimester are caused by extra or missing chromosomes in the developing fetus. It has nothing to do with you sneaking an extra cookie or carrying in heavy groceries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was the hardest part for me to accept.\u00a0 When something goes wrong, I always self-reflect on what I could have done differently or what can I do to fix it next time.\u00a0 In this case, the answer was nothing<\/em>.\u00a0 I could not have done anything differently and it was out of my control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a control freak, this was a hard feeling to move past.\u00a0 Miscarriages are emotionally and physically draining, so it is important to go easy on yourself.\u00a0 Don\u2019t judge your emotions, but just acknowledge and accept them for what they are.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Miscarriage<\/a>\"Miscarriage <\/center>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Know Your Options<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There is nothing like hearing your doctor say that they can\u2019t find a heartbeat.  You instantly go from thinking about what the next year is going to look like (being pregnant, prepping the nursery, filling your house with all the baby things) to how am I going to survive the next 24 hours.  Your doctor will present you with a number of options on how you can proceed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My body had already started to naturally miscarry.\u00a0 Waiting for things to progress as a natural miscarriage <\/strong>can take weeks with the constant thought of when is this going to happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the control freak that I am, I chose to speed things along with the medication<\/strong> misoprostol, which is designed to induce contractions to flush everything out of your body.\u00a0 It is extremely painful, but I knew it would all be over in a day, which allowed me to put this nightmare behind me and move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes though medication isn\u2019t enough to remove everything or some other people voluntarily choose to do a D&C procedure<\/strong>.\u00a0 This is a 15-30 minute outpatient surgery for those that miscarry in the first trimester that essentially suctions out all of tissue.\u00a0 It is relatively quick and I\u2019m told fairly painless, but it can leave some scarring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is most important to discuss these options with your doctor and decide which path is best for you to take.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Give Yourself One Day<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You are going to need at least a full day to physically recover from whichever path you choose to take.\u00a0 Some women choose to take the medication over the weekend when they know they have nothing going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is just important to note that you will not be up and doing your normal activities or working from home while simultaneously miscarrying.\u00a0 Take a day or two off from work and give yourself appropriate time to recover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Be Prepared<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Before taking the misoprostol medication, I did my research to know that it was going to start working fairly quickly and that it was going to be my own personal hell for the next 24 hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I made sure to stock up on Advil, a heating pad, extra absorbent pads, and a full water bottle.<\/strong>\u00a0 I started feeling cramping within 30 minutes of taking the pills, but the worst came at the 5-6 hour mark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Heating<\/a>\"Heating <\/center>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve clearly never been in labor, but, from what I have read from those who have experienced both, the feelings are similar.\u00a0 The pain was so bad that I had extreme nausea.\u00a0 No position felt comfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The difference with a miscarriage is there are no milestones that tell you that you are getting closer to the end; you just have to keep going through the agony until it stops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, I took Advil but ibuprofen did next to nothing to help with the unbearable pain.\u00a0 I wish miscarriages came with an epidural.\u00a0 To top it all off, you don\u2019t get an amazing baby at the end of it.\u00a0 You just get emptiness and sadness and relief that it is all over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It will suck, but you will get through it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Have Support<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\"What
Photo Credit: Asheville Wedding Photography<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Having a miscarriage ranks up there as one of the worst days of my life so far, not too far behind the day I lost my mom.\u00a0 In such an emotional time, it is essential to surround yourself with supportive people<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know many people choose to not tell their family members until after the first trimester for fear of having a miscarriage.\u00a0 It is true that I probably told too many people and am now dreading following up with the \u201cjust kidding\u201d text.\u00a0 But, I also am so glad I told people because I can now talk about this part so freely without feeling ashamed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To one of my best friends, who rushed to just be my side when I started showing signs of miscarriage.\u00a0 To my parents, who sent me flowers even though they live states away.\u00a0 And to my amazing husband, who showered me in hugs and had me laughing even through the worst of times.\u00a0 I could not have gone through this without them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make sure you have your support team close by; you will need them.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Treat Yourself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Take the day to throw yourself a pity party.  It\u2019s okay to be sad.  I chose to indulge in all those foods I had been so careful to avoid while pregnant.  Milk Duds for breakfast, sushi for lunch, and a pint of Ben & Jerry\u2019s for dinner.  I ordered pizza for the rest of my family so I didn\u2019t have to cook that night.  The following morning, I went and grabbed myself a large iced latte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not saying to drown in your emotions, but it is okay to take a moment for yourself.\u00a0 If you are physically feeling up to it, then do the things you love.\u00a0 Do what brings you joy so you can feel a little bit of sunshine in your rather dark and gloomy day.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Ice<\/a>\"Ice <\/center>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Seek Therapy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Miscarriage will come with all the emotions and the grieving process will take time<\/strong>.\u00a0 You will experience grief, sadness, anger, relief, and then circle through all those emotions about ten more times within a two-minute period.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a lot and sometimes it requires the help of a professional to work through them.\u00a0 It is okay to need the extra help. Use resources like Psychology Today<\/a> to find a therapist in your area.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, there is a lot of sadness and I am grieving what I thought our life would look like in nine months.\u00a0 I also have a lot of misplaced anger \u2013 towards the people who are able to have multiple kids with no complications and towards the teenagers who so carelessly get pregnant after one time of unprotected sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also have a lot of anger over the time wasted.\u00a0<\/strong> The time spent trying, the time being pregnant, and now the time waiting until we can try again; it just feels like a lifetime.\u00a0 Especially being in my 30s, I can feel the time ticking away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, remember the first tip I had \u2013 accept your emotions for what they are and go easy on yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Prioritize Your Health<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While I say take one day to treat yourself and indulge in all your favorite comfort foods, it is still important to prioritize your health<\/a>.\u00a0 This is especially important if you want to try to conceive again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make sure you take care of your mental health by seeing a therapist if needed and connecting with friends. Get outside, remember to exercise, journal, and make healthy choices.\u00a0 The day after I miscarried, I did a hard workout and it helped me feel renewed and empowered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Grief<\/a>\"Grief <\/center>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Talk to Your Doctor<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Some of the biggest questions that come with miscarriage are how do I prevent this next time<\/em> and will it happen again<\/em>?\u00a0 Your doctor will reassure you that a miscarriage generally doesn\u2019t affect your ability to go on and have successful future pregnancies<\/strong>.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take away your fear it will happen again, but it is important to know the facts and not get lost in all your worries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After they confirm your miscarriage, they will schedule a follow up appointment to make sure everything has been cleared out<\/strong>.\u00a0 In the meantime, they say to be on the lookout for any signs of infection like extreme hemorrhaging.\u00a0 If that happens, go to the emergency room immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note:<\/strong> If you have a negative blood type, they will require that you get the RhoGAM shot within 72 hours.  This prevents your body from creating antibodies that would potentially attack a future fetus with a positive blood type.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Inform Your Kids<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This was one of the hardest parts of having a miscarriage.\u00a0 Our son was extremely excited to be a big brother and we chose not to wait to tell him.\u00a0 He was able to be a part of the journey with us where we shared pictures from the ultrasound and he helped me paint the nursery.\u00a0 The news of miscarriage hit just as hard for him as it did for us<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give your kids their own space to grieve if they need it.\u00a0 They will take their emotional cues from you <\/strong>though; so honor your emotions and say it is okay to be sad, but also show them how to be strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My son wrote a letter to me and to himself where he said it was a really sad day, but that he was not going to let it ruin his day.\u00a0 Together, we worked towards making sure that was true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Children's<\/a>\"Children's <\/center>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Give Yourself Time to Heal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I am someone who instantly wanted to put this behind me and instead focus on moving forward.\u00a0 Some people need more time though.\u00a0 Doctors recommend waiting two to three months before trying to conceive again so that you have time to heal emotionally and physically<\/strong>.\u00a0 The wait for me is most agonizing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me to heal, I try to have no regrets with how things went this last time.\u00a0 Yes, seeing the nursery start to come together is hard to walk by every day, but I don\u2019t regret painting it.\u00a0 I had just started to take bump photos and I look at them proudly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is part of your journey and you should not be ashamed of that.<\/strong>\u00a0 To pass the time waiting, I will probably still continue to prepare our house and decorate the nursery.\u00a0 It personally gives me something to look forward to and keep my mind somewhere else.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"What<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Hot Tip:<\/strong>  Many people like to create a memory box for their little one.  Inside you can include your pregnancy test, any ultrasound photos, or letters you might have written.  Include anything that honors their memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Miscarriages are some of the hardest things a woman can go through, but it is important to know that miscarriages are more common than you think<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surround yourself with good people and remember to not be hard on yourself.\u00a0 I send a lot of love to the people who have experienced multiple miscarriages and infertility; you all are truly superheroes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Supporting someone who has had a miscarriage?\u00a0 <\/strong>It is hard to watch your loved one go through such a tough time, but there are little things you can do to help.\u00a0 Let them know you are thinking of them by texting them or sending a card and flowers.\u00a0 Bring over a premade dinner<\/a> for them so they don\u2019t have to worry about cooking.\u00a0 When they are feeling up to it, take them out to coffee or lunch.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Little acts of kindness can mean a whole lot during tough times.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Condolence<\/a>\"Condolence <\/center>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the post that I never imagined having to write when I found out I was pregnant.  I lost my baby at…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1816,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,19],"tags":[37,42],"class_list":["post-1815","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-kids","tag-kids","tag-mental-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Ultrasound.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1815"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2510,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815\/revisions\/2510"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1815"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1815"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/makeaplan.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1815"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}